What's the right amount of times I can deny that my wife and I are discussing divorce which will put people's minds at ease that we actually are not discussing divorce? Should I toss one more in? Okay, one more, and then I'll do it just one more time at the end. Hopefully that won't seem like overkill. So, here goes:
I assure you that my wife and I aren't discussing divorce.
Why do we talk about divorce (not getting a divorce - shoot, that's one denial too many now, isn't it)? Oftentimes, it's because we know people who seem to be in rather loveless marriages where they don't even like each other to the point where it seems like they might be better off divorced. Of course, we'd never say this to their faces because nobody really knows what's going on between two people aside from those two, and "get a divorce" is the sort of advice you should only give when you know one of the partners is a serial killer.
We've even heard somebody say that "Divorce is simply not an option!" Well...why not?
I realize that with current divorce rates in this country, it's not like not enough people are considering it. I also think that people shouldn't rush into marriages, as those are more likely to end in a divorce. Still, there's a stigma about ending a marriage that I don't think should exist.
Here's the thing - I do consider divorce to be an option when it comes to my marriage. It's not an option that I'm genuinely considering. I can't even say that it's a fleeting thought. That's because I'm happy right now. But things can change. I could change. My wife could change. We both could change. We could grow apart. What if we get to the point where we can't stand the sight of each other anymore? What if we get to the point where everything becomes a loud, shouting argument with one another - which we would be subjecting our son to?
If it ever gets to that, and while I honestly can't ever see that happening, then yeah, we should probably start talking about getting a divorce. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to salvage our marriage for the sake of both us and our son, but shouldn't there eventually be a point where we can be honest about whether we'd be better off separated or not?
When I think of all the people I know who are divorced, I don't look at a single one of them and think that they would have been better off if they stayed married. If anything, I think that some of them probably should have gotten divorced sooner. They probably could have spared themselves a lot of pain.
I'm also aware that for some people, it's a religious thing as to why divorce is not considered to be an option. That, to me, is just one more knock against religion, as it arbitrarily creates a boundary against something that could help a person. Yeah, God doesn't like divorce. He doesn't like a lot of other things too. But if God wants you to stay in a loveless, and possibly mentally damaging, relationship, then maybe it's time to stop giving a crap what this fictional character has to say.
Oh, and I'd just like to point out that in no way should this blog post be interpreted as my wife and I discussing getting a divorce.