Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Might I suggest a divorce?

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My wife and I talk about divorce every now and then. No, we don't talk about getting a divorce, but we sometimes talk about the concept. When I told her that I was thinking of writing a blog post on the subject, she told me that I should do it, but I wasn't so sure that it was a good idea. Why? Because I figure that there's no way for me to write about divorce as a concept without at least some friends and/or family members taking it as a sign that there is trouble in my marriage and that we're thinking of getting a divorce. And even if I'm sure to write a disclaimer, like I'm doing right now, that we're thinking of getting a divorce, it'll sound a bit too "doth protest too much", which would be a sure sign that we're talking about a divorce. Why else would I be so defensive about it?

What's the right amount of times I can deny that my wife and I are discussing divorce which will put people's minds at ease that we actually are not discussing divorce? Should I toss one more in? Okay, one more, and then I'll do it just one more time at the end. Hopefully that won't seem like overkill. So, here goes:

I assure you that my wife and I aren't discussing divorce.

Why do we talk about divorce (not getting a divorce - shoot, that's one denial too many now, isn't it)? Oftentimes, it's because we know people who seem to be in rather loveless marriages where they don't even like each other to the point where it seems like they might be better off divorced. Of course, we'd never say this to their faces because nobody really knows what's going on between two people aside from those two, and "get a divorce" is the sort of advice you should only give when you know one of the partners is a serial killer.

We've even heard somebody say that "Divorce is simply not an option!" Well...why not?

I realize that with current divorce rates in this country, it's not like not enough people are considering it. I also think that people shouldn't rush into marriages, as those are more likely to end in a divorce. Still, there's a stigma about ending a marriage that I don't think should exist.

Here's the thing - I do consider divorce to be an option when it comes to my marriage. It's not an option that I'm genuinely considering. I can't even say that it's a fleeting thought. That's because I'm happy right now. But things can change. I could change. My wife could change. We both could change. We could grow apart. What if we get to the point where we can't stand the sight of each other anymore? What if we get to the point where everything becomes a loud, shouting argument with one another - which we would be subjecting our son to?

If it ever gets to that, and while I honestly can't ever see that happening, then yeah, we should probably start talking about getting a divorce. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to salvage our marriage for the sake of both us and our son, but shouldn't there eventually be a point where we can be honest about whether we'd be better off separated or not?

When I think of all the people I know who are divorced, I don't look at a single one of them and think that they would have been better off if they stayed married. If anything, I think that some of them probably should have gotten divorced sooner. They probably could have spared themselves a lot of pain.

I'm also aware that for some people, it's a religious thing as to why divorce is not considered to be an option. That, to me, is just one more knock against religion, as it arbitrarily creates a boundary against something that could help a person. Yeah, God doesn't like divorce. He doesn't like a lot of other things too. But if God wants you to stay in a loveless, and possibly mentally damaging, relationship, then maybe it's time to stop giving a crap what this fictional character has to say.

Oh, and I'd just like to point out that in no way should this blog post be interpreted as my wife and I discussing getting a divorce.

1 comment:

Deech Verdecia said...

Statistically, the biggest reason for Divorce is marriage!

I would be one of those people that, after being married 3 times, would do my best to talk anyone out of marriage. You don't marry, divorce is not an issue.

Had I known what I know now about marriage back when I was first single, I would have never gotten married.

I do applaud my father's generation however. It is true that back in their day their generation worked on fixing the problem instead of just getting rid of one's spouse through divorce. That took a lot of work, courage and sacrifice, which I am sad to say my generation doesn't like to do.

I have no idea what my future brings but for me, divorce is definitely an option. What will not be an option if I do get divorced is to remarry again. This marriage I have now is my last.