The All Mayonnaise Diet!

I'm on the all ice cream diet.

There’s nothing worse than somebody who loses a lot of weight and then acts like they’re an expert on weight loss. Even if they’ve managed to lose a lot of weight, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve done it in a healthy way. It also doesn’t mean that it’s a good method for everybody to lose weight.

That’s why I’ve been somewhat hesitant to write this blog about how I lost weight. I’ve made a few posts on Facebook about what’s been going on with me, but I try to focus on how I’m feeling and results like my blood pressure (going down!) and my long bike rides. (I remember when I first made it to ten miles and that seemed like a big deal. My current record is just over 50 miles.) I also haven’t ever divulged how much I weigh or used to weigh. I’ll just point out that I had to buy new pants and my XXL shirts are just way too baggy for me now. (Even my XL shirts are a bit baggy, but comfortably so.)

Let’s face it - diet culture is toxic. The reason why I don’t go into my exact weight is because that’s too much of a focus. I once lost twenty pounds, for instance. I did that by contracting Hepatitis A. Certainly not a healthy method. When we focus too much on weight, we lose sight of the bigger picture.

Let me put it this way - I weighed about 30 pounds more than I do now, and I was taking lengthy bike rides. There is no doubt in my mind that there are people who are far slimmer than I was then who couldn’t keep up with me. Who’s healthier? If you looked at me, you’d probably go with the slimmer fella. But when the zombies come and you need a guy to get past them for a supply run, I would be your guy, 30 extra pounds and all.

I guess that’s one rather big disclaimer when I could have just said this: I am only going to talk about what I did. It’s not health advice for you. I can say that it worked for me, and I have not been gaining it back. (I was putting on some weight when the summer started, but with a few slight adjustments, I was able to get back down again.) I should also point out that I’m still technically “overweight”. I have a definite “dad bod” and nobody’s going to be asking me to pose shirtless anytime soon.

Before we go into what I did - let’s talk about what my biggest problem was before I started to turn things around. It’s not much of a riddle. I always got in a decent amount of exercise (about an hour long walk every evening). I ate a pretty good variety of foods, being sure to get in my vegetables. I also didn’t drink too much - averaging about one to two beers a day.

The problem wasn’t what I consumed. It was the amount I consumed. I didn’t just like to be satisfied. I liked to be stuffed. I also liked to munch in between meals. (And I’ll be honest, my in between snacks were high-calorie, low nutrition.) I didn’t really count them up, but I think it’s safe to say that I would go well over 3000 calories a day on average. (A guy my size who gets the amount of exercise I do needs about 2400 a day - but again, don’t take that as medical advice. That’s what my doctor told me, and it matches other things that I’ve read.)

As for what turned things around, it all began when I bought myself a bicycle. I actually bought one for my wife first, but then I got myself one so I could go out riding with her. I wound up riding a lot more often, and I found myself enjoying the cycling trails around me. (Iron Horse and Contra Costa Canal for those who live in my area.) I remember when a five mile ride would wear me out, but I slowly started working my way up to 10, 20, and eventually 30 miles. It got to the point after a few years where I invested in a lighter (read: more expensive) bike, and reached the aforementioned 50 mile record.

Turns out that all of that bike riding burns some belly fat. 

I’ll be honest. I wasn’t the type to weigh myself. I didn’t even own a scale for some time. However, people were pointing out to me that I had lost some weight, and I noticed that my shirts were a bit more roomy. A trip to the doctor’s office confirmed that I had lost about 20 pounds.

Unfortunately, another trip to the doctor’s office revealed that my A1C is right in the “pre-diabetes” zone. My son has type 1 diabetes, so I know a bit about what that can entail (although they’re really two different diseases with different causes but similar symptoms and treatments). That put a scare into me.

I remember talking to my doctor about it. She assured me that it didn’t mean that I had diabetes or that I even needed to go on medication just yet, but I needed to keep my eye on that number and make some changes. I told her that I thought that I could do it. Sure, I’ve said that sort of a thing before, but this time it was going to be different. This time, I was going to be real about it and have a plan.

And that plan? The Paleo Diet!

No, wait, not that.

Atkins!

No.

Blood Type Diet? Keto? Gluten Free? Eating clean? Nothing but Mayonnaise?

No, no, no, not sure what that even means, mmmm...no.

I also didn’t opt for vegetarianism or veganism, but I didn’t want to lump those legitimate lifestyle choices with fad diets.

I didn’t go for any of those because I know myself too well. They’re all too extreme, and from my understanding, a lot of people can indeed lose weight that way, but they tend to be unsustainable and lead to an eventual return to point A.

(Again, I am not a health expert. If one of those diets worked for you, your doctor is cool with it, and you’re feeling good - go have fun with it.)

I wasn’t willing to sacrifice anything (especially sweets - my Achilles heel). I just had to scale things back a bit. And the way to do it was by tracking my calories and exercise on my phone. (I used the Samsung Health app.) This forced me to be a bit more mindful about what I was eating. I still enjoyed everything that I had before, from burgers to hot dogs to you name it. I also allowed myself one sweet thing per day. I like to save it for the end of the day, so I tend to turn down cookies, cake, etc. during the day because while I will allow myself those things, having one in the middle of the day means that I don’t get one at the end of that day. I realize that to some people that seems a bit obsessive, but I know myself. If I don’t put this “rule” on myself, I will easily consume an extra 600 calories a day just in sweets alone.

One thing that it has also done is made me consider what gives me the most “bang for my buck”. In other words, I try to get the most filling food for the fewest calories. I have a big breakfast that consists of eggs with kale/spinach, herring, oatmeal, and a banana (not all mixed together). That’s about 600 calories, and it nicely carries me through to lunchtime with the help of an apple at around 9:30. Compare this to what I once did - a big bowl of cereal, which consisted of far more calories, and I was starving by 9:00. Basically, whole grains and protein-rich foods tend to take a bit longer to digest.

Honestly though, I try to have a nourishing breakfast and lunch and then eat whatever the hell I want for dinner.

I should add a bit of a disclaimer though that I have drastically reduced my alcohol intake. While I was never a big drinker in the first place (1-2 beers a day) I am now down to 1-2 beers a month. Essentially it just kept coming down to whether I wanted to have ice cream/chocolate at the end of the day or a beer.

Chocolate wins. Your mileage may vary.

Over the course of several months, I dropped about another 30 pounds. It’s funny how it happens because the pattern was that I’d gain some weight as I added muscle (mostly to my legs - I’m not big on upper-body workouts) and then see a drop as I lost more fat. I think that I averaged about 1-2 pounds per week.

This said, I really wonder how weird it must feel when people drop that much weight in a short amount of time. I noticed little changes that came along bit by bit. I could lie on my stomach while I slept again! I could peddle my bike while raising myself up off the seat! I could suck in my gut!

At this point, I’m still doing the same thing but I’m not dropping any more pounds. It’s okay. I feel good, and while my A1C hasn’t gone down, I have confidence that I can, at the very least, keep it where it is. As for all of my other health indicators like cholesterol, triglycerides, etc. they all look better than they ever have and are within the “healthy” range. I think it’s safe to say that I’m probably healthier than I have ever been in my adult life. 

So, that’s what I did. Like I said from the start, that’s just my story and it no doubt has some flaws and might not work for you. 

Who should you listen to? Actual dieticians. (What about nutritionists? That’s not a legally protected term like “dietician” is.) I really like Abby Langer. She’s a great rational, skeptical voice who cuts through a lot of the bullshit and toxic culture that lurks in the “health” industry.