Did you remember to sterilize your poop before you flushed it?

I did something really reckless today. Chances are pretty high that I won't live to see tomorrow, so this will probably be my last blog entry ever. See, I bought an apple at Trader Joe's and ate it without washing it first. There's no telling what kinds of horrific diseases are just waiting to pounce from any given piece of fruit.

Or maybe I'll be just fine. The thing is, I'm not really one of those germaphobes, and personally I think that the whole germaphobia thing is pretty crazy. When Kirsti and I were on our last cruise, there were little hand sanitizer towels in front of the restaurant and in front of the buffet counter. The first time we passed by, I took one simply because I wasn't really thinking about it, and that's what everybody else was doing. The next time though, I deliberately didn't do it. Why? Because it's unnecessary and wasteful, that's why.

I know that there are people who use hand sanitizer on a regular basis. I even know one guy who uses it and credits it as the reason why he rarely gets sick. That very well may be true, but I never use it, and I rarely get sick as well. I'm thinking that maybe it really doesn't make that big of a difference.

I also don't always wash my hands after using the bathroom. I'll try not to get too graphic here, but let's just say that when I'm not coming into close contact with waste material, then there really isn't any need. As for my privates, if you think about it, they're probably cleaner than my hands are, as they're constantly covered. My hands though? They're always touching all sorts of germ depositories like doorknobs, countertops, and sometimes even other people's hands. Personally, I think that we've got this whole thing backwards. Next time you go to the bathroom, you need a full body wash since your disgusting hands have just touched yourself.

Of course, I do wash my hands. When? Well, mainly when they're dirty. Also, I do it before I cook, and before I make my beer. That's the one instance where I make sure that things are really clean, as any kind of funky bacteria can ruin a five gallon batch, and that would be a minor tragedy.

As for food, like I said, I wash my hands before I cook, but I don't necessarily follow all of the rules that the germaphobes would have us believe. For instance, I've let meat defrost on the counter top! Agh! Why? Because I don't always like to plan my meals two days ahead of time - that's why!

Whoops - just sneezed! Damn that apple!

Perhaps I should just let Carlin do the talking: