Are you Ragnarok Ready?

Would you believe that there's some doofus out there who has a website called Rapture Ready? Basically, it's a resource for learning all about how the Christian endtimes are fast approaching, as there are all sorts of signs out there that have been prophesized in The Bible. Check it out for yourself (and no, it's not a joke).

Of course, the whole concept is ludicrous. All sorts of current events can be shoehorned into these prophecies, as Christians have been doing this for nearly 2,000 years now. So, settle down and relax - Armageddon isn't going to happen. Ragnarok, (which is the final battle between the Norse Gods and the Frost Giants which will usher in the end of the world and eventually a glorious new age) however, is pretty much on the verge of taking place.

Don't believe me? Look at the signs and see for yourself:

1. Great wars in the world. - The U.S. is currently involved in two wars. And have a look at Global Security's list of current wars. There's conflict going on from Algeria to Uzbekistan.

2. A time of strife and hatred between men. Check that list again. Is there any doubt that's what we're experiencing right now? And furthermore, did you see how close this last election was? Ever watch Fox News? Americans have never been so divided!

3. The bonds of kinship will hold us no longer. Ever check the divorce rates? The family unit is disintregrating, and not just in this country!

4. We will commit appalling deeds of murder and incest. As for murder, while it was on the decline, it has seen a gradual uptick in recent years. Incest isn't a major problem yet, but it's obvious that's where we're heading. (You know, with all that gay marriage stuff going on - incestual marriage is the clear, logical next step.)

5. There will be a period of bitter cold, when a terrible pursuing wolf catches the sun and devours her; the moon is to be swallowed up, and the stars will fall from the sky. Now here you may be thinking that global warming disproves this one. However, if you really knew something about global warming, you'd know that the correct term is "global climate change" which would involve hotter summers and colder winters! And I don't know about you, but it's been pretty damned cold lately! As for the wolf, that's obviously China with its unceasing prouction of coal, and the pollution will obviously block out both the sun and the moon. And what does burning coal look like in the dark? It looks like little stars if you look at it from a distance.

Convinced yet? How about the following:

6. The mountains will crash into fragments as the whole earth shakes and trembles, and the World Tree quivers in tumult. Is it just me, or are we due for a major earthquake? It's been so long, that you just know that a big one is coming, and scientists can't figure out for certain when the next one is coming!

7. The wolf Fenrir's jaws close the gap between Earth and sky; the serpent blows poison from out of the sea. Again, the wolf is obviously China, and the serpent is probably Japan or something.

8. The sea rises. Melting polar ice caps, anyone?

9. A ship full of giants comes with Loki as the steersman. Obviously, the giants represent the major countries of the world, and Loki (the trickster) is the head of the United Nations.

10. The rainbow bridge is shattered. This represents total economic collapse. Gee, it's not like that sort of thing is about to happen or anything.

Pretty scary, isn't it? I think I hear Heimdall blowing his horn...