Sunday, January 5, 2014

Ranking the Comics Adaptations - Part II

When all is said and done, I will be ranking 54 comic book adaptations. In Part I, I listed all of the movies that I hadn't seen either because I hadn't heard of them or I had no intention of seeing them. Turns out I goofed on that, and I only included about half of that list, so I'll get to the rest of them here.

After that, I will list off some more that I will not be including. These will be ones that I haven't seen, but I don't object to seeing them.

More Movies I Haven't Seen and There's No Way in Hell I Will See:

R.I.P.D. - This movie stars Green Lantern and The Big Lebowski. It looks lame and a poor man's version of a movie I didn't like all that much in the first place. (Men in Black)

Red Sonja - Schwarzenegger supposedly calls this the worst movie he's ever made, and he was in Hercules in New York.

Richie Rich - I'm only interested in Macauly Caulkin movies where he burns his face with aftershave. (Not really.)

Sabrina the Teenage Witch - Just like Josie and the Pussycats, this one might have been fine for its intended audience. I haven't bothered to look into it further.

Sheena - I have one simple rule: No Ka-Zar, no Sheena.

The Spirit - Tired of Hollywood screwing up his stories, Frank Miller apparently decided to screw up Will Eisner's creation.

Supergirl - There was a time when I really wanted to see this. This was also around the same time when I ate mayonnaise sandwiches.

Surrogates - Oops. This belongs on my "haven't heard of" list.

Swamp Thing - I'm only going to see an adaptation of a magical swamp-based comic book character if it's called Giant Sized Man-Thing.

Tales from the Crypt (series) - I'm not much of a horror fan, and I only tend to see them if they're seem like they're something special. Any horror fans think that this is worth a look?

Tank Girl - Wasn't Ice-T a kangaroo in this or something? Crap! Why the hell don't I want to see this?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III - I didn't feel like there were any burning, unsolved mysteries from the first two movies.

TMNT - I didn't start respecting New Kids on the Block when they became NKOTB, and this trick isn't going to work for a bunch of talking turtles either.

Vampirella - Go to a comic book convention where a model is dressed like Vampirella and try to not stare at her boobs. I don't care whether you're attracted to women or not, you cannot resist the boobs. I can easily resist a movie though.

Virus - Would you believe that I actually read the comic book series? It was a perfectly serviceable little horror story, but it didn't scream "Make this a movie!" to me.

Whiteout - I heard it was bad, and the story doesn't interest me all that much anyway.

Movies I Haven't Seen but Might if Given the Opportunity:

30 Days of Night - This looks like it might be a perfectly serviceable action/horror film. I don't expect great things, but it might be entertaining.

Cowboys and Aliens - I know that the reviews weren't great, but it looks like it might be fun, and it has a good cast with both James Bond and Indiana Jones (who's been in a movie with James Bond before).

Ghost Rider - I'm sure that I'd regret it after seeing it, but if it ever shows up on Netflix streaming, I'll check it out.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - Ditto.

Kick Ass 2 - I'll go into this in more detail when I get to the first one, but as much as I like the comics, I don't feel that it works as a movie.

The Losers - I've heard good things about this one; looks like fun.

My Name is Bruce - This was a comic book? Bruce Campbell, right? I'm curious.

Red and Red 2 - Don't know the comics, but I've heard that the first movie was pretty entertaining.


Sophia said...

Aw... Lance! Sheena was like, my favorite movie ever when I was 11. I watched it so many times I can still quote parts of it. In hindsight, it's the kind of story that would make me want to gouge my eyes out nowadays. But it will always have a special place in my inner child's heart.
Surrogates had some interesting stuff in it, but then, I usually do find dystopias interesting. It also definitely had some flaws, and if you don't like Bruce Willis, you're not going to like this movie.
Swamp Thing -- see my comments re: Sheena, but change the age to 9.

Ingrid Johnson said...

Cowboys and Aliens is good and fun to watch. We saw it twice.