Tuesday, August 5, 2008

My world view has been destroyed

Ya know, I've never posted a rant about the absolute uselessness of Paris Hilton before. People who know me have heard it, but I didn't want to be one more person writing about how she sucks the life out of the collective unconscious (to paraphrase Bill Hicks). Besides, discussing her, even on my humble little blog, only feeds the beast.

But now she's done something that I've actually found to be amusing. My mind is spinning...look, up there - in the clouds! It's the Horsemen of the Apocalypse!

If the video below doesn't work, use this link.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

On a side note, I have argued with my friends over whether she was attractive or not. Two of my friends insisted that she was. I, however, said that she did absolutely nothing for me. I guess for me, stupid is a total turn-off. That's why Jessica Simpson doesn't do anything for me either. I mean, I look at her and everything seems to be in place, and part of me says that I'm supposed to find her attractive - but there's just nothing, nada.

Anyway, this was the first time I found Paris Hilton to be even remotely attractive. Maybe she's not a total dim-bulb. I mean, I'm sure that somebody wrote all of that for her, but she delivers it with the right amount of conviction, and she was smart enough to do it.

Once again, I am wrong about something.

EDIT: Just read the "behind the scenes" article at Funny Or Die - turns out she memorized her lines. No cue cards necessary.


nonmagical thinking said...

Oh yeah, she definitely had to read that off a cue card or something. There's no way she came up with it on her own.

There a lot of women who are truly beautiful, but to me, she isn't one of them.

Lance Christian Johnson said...

The thing is, her delivery was genuinely funny - something I never thought she'd be capable of doing.

Anonymous said...

Well, according to Adam McKay, she actually memorized the whole monologue! <gasp> Although, there is no statement on the use of memory enhancing drugs, cybernetic neural implants, or electric shock penalties for mistakes (it worked in Ghostbusters) as a means to help her retain the text.

But Lance's theory, once ridiculed by mainstream science, that she did not write the speech herself, seems to be confirmed.

-The Jakes

Lance Christian Johnson said...

You missed my edit. And yeah, science shall now embrace me! Suck it, Ben Stein!

nonmagical thinking said...

I wanted to tell Ben Stein to suck it long before this.

I can not believe she memorized that. Just think what other things she could memorize if she tried really, really hard. I mean, we could be talking at least half the alphabet !!

Weemaryanne said...

I don't much care for her face but I have to admit her figure is flawless. And this was funny.