Sunday, January 10, 2010

It came, it went, it never happened.

One of the worst things about being a teacher is the constant defamation barrage that comes my way. You'd be shocked to hear this, but currently several of my colleagues and I are the victims of a vicious attack, where our accusers claim that we had mustaches. I can't believe that anybody with any sense of morals or decency would go around accusing somebody of having a mustache. Considering that the likes of Hitler, Stalin, and Geraldo Rivera all had mustaches, that's not the kind of accusation you want to go just throwing like it was nothing.

This all started when I found some posters in my classroom with various mustachioed individuals on them, including the likes of Doc Holliday, Ted Nugent, and Sinestro. Right below the photos was a cryptic message that read: "It's Coming." Of course, I had absolutely no idea what these meant. Some of the students accused ME of putting them up! What they didn't realize is that this has also happened to many of my fellow teachers. I suppose I went into all of their rooms and put them up as well, huh? That's absurd.

It really started to get weird when some of the seniors were talking about how there was going to be another "Mustache Week". I had no idea what they were talking about, but according to them, a bunch of teachers, including myself, all grew mustaches for the week after Winter Break. As if that's not crazy enough, they then accused us of having denied them the following week. Seriously? What kind of a person would grow a mustache and then later deny having it? Don't these kids realize that we have better things to do?

I told them to prove it, and in response they showed me a photo from the yearbook with myself and a bunch of other teachers. I was outraged to see that somebody Photoshopped a mustache on my face! Not just me, but on the faces of my fellow teachers as well! As if it wasn't shameful enough, the yearbook staff took it upon themselves to also slander a few veteran teachers - including one who was retiring that year. What kind of a send-off is it when you accuse a man of having had a mustache?

I should have known that this would happen again. Already I am hearing kids tell me that I had a mustache all last week. I can assure you that I did not. If they show you pictures, realize how easy it is to alter a person's face with all these fancy computers and whatnot that the kids have nowadays. Some of them are even accusing me of posting photos of myself with my mustache. Supposedly I altered it every day. If that's true, people, then I ask you this: If I supposedly had a mustache, then where did it go? Did it just magically disappear?

Get real. It never happened.

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