Saturday, July 19, 2008

Not of this World!

Just when I thought that modern Christianity couldn't get any sillier than the "Extreme Teen Bible," (Do yourself a favor and read some of the reviews that Amazon.com has posted for that one) along comes C28, a "Christian Lifestyle Retailer."

My wife was at the mall today, and she brought back a brochure for me from this particular store, which just set up shop at the Sun Valley Mall. On the cover are four HARD-CORE dudes! One has his head tilted and he's got tattoos! Another one is looking off to the side (didn't South Park already make fun of this?) Another one has his arms crossed with a look on his face like he's ready to crack skulls for Jesus - and he's BLACK! The other one is Latino, but he's kinda obscured by the other four dudes.

Here are some ads from their site, the first one has two of the guys I described:







Pretty extreme, huh? And you thought that rules about women covering their heads in church were passe! It's all cutting-edge, baby!

In the brochure, they say that the C:28 stands for Colossians 2:8, which states the following: "Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ."

Of course, they don't use that entire quote in their advertising, because it's all, like, gay and Shakespeare-like or something. They just take "Not of this world!" and turn it into a catch phrase. Isn't that totally cooler? It's like The Transformers or something!

Ugh. Ya know, I have a lot of criticisms of religion in general and Christianity in particular. Still, what I find even sadder is how the religion is being dumbed down. I have Christian friends that can speak a great deal on their beliefs and while I don't see it their way, I can tell that they're thoughtful and informed.

One part of the Christian faith that I find interesting is the idea that their belief is "not of this world". Usually, when Christians talk about this, they're referring to how their beliefs transcend the petty and sometimes divisive issues of the world. (For instance - did you know that there are Christians who don't vote Republican! Wow! Who'da thunk it?)

These assholes though, they've completely bastardized something that's actually positive about the religion by using that as their catchphrase. I mean, look at their marketing - Is it any different than the marketing for the clothes you find at more conventional stores? I mean, just glancing at the stuff, can you even tell that it's got a Jesus-theme to it? It's almost like they're trying to hide it - as though they're ashamed of their own faith!

Oh, and get this, on the brochure they ask for donations. Donations! If these guys get tax-exempt status for their little operation, then I'm gonna crap a steamboat.

One of my favorite Jesus stories is the one where he knocks over the tables of the moneylenders. Quick, somebody hand Jesus his whip - he's gonna need it.

3 comments:

The Ranting Student said...

Wow. Thanks Lance. I read over the EXTREME TEEN BIBLE reviews...these caught my attention:

Halfway through John's Gospel and already I knew I wasn't extreme enough for this book. JC filled me with an urge to snowboard down the Rockies while screaming "screw you Satan" during my run. I almost ran out and got WWJD tatooed on my forehead. Man, that woulda been extreme. So instead I settled for some Extreme Mountain Dew and Yogurt bars while I played Tony Hawk pulling off my signature move (you guessed it), Christ Air.

But I'm not giving up on JC, oh hell no. I may not be Extreme enough for the Extreme Bible, but wait until the "Holy Bible: IM Version (LOL)" comes out. I'm all over that. Christ and I will be ROFLing at all you sinners as we chat it up. OMG I can't wait! Ok, gtg ttyl lol!!!111



and this little comment...


Make no mistake! This bible is filled with so much EXTREMENESS that you'll become THE person to talk to at your high school when the entire cheerleading squad wants to know about how Judas betrayed Jesus. This bible will change your life. It will transform you from a nerdy overweight dork to a stunning slick-haired hunk almost instantly.

TO THE MAX!!



These guys are EXTREME!

Do they have any WWJD spike bracelets?

Weemaryanne said...

I suppose if you wanna get all teacherish about it, you could argue that the dumbing-down process began when some guy had the nerve to translate the Bible from Latin to English.

I can just see the entire cheerleading squad panting after a guy who misses a haircut and mumbles, "uh-huh I got Jeebus in my life uh-huh" every time he walks down the corridor.

flinging dust said...

What humors me about a lot of xains is how they are always trying to make a buck off their own. This is yet another example. I wonder how long before Ray starts selling 'Extreme Comfort' clothing on his garage sale sidebar?