Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Government, get outta my life!

Just like all other real Americans, I for one am appalled...APPALLED at how the government is CONSTANTLY intruding on our lives!  The latest incident involves how a student's lunch was deemed by the food NAZI COMMUNISTS to not be nutritious enough, so she was forced to pay for a new lunch consisting of chicken nuggets.  Do you know who else likes chicken?  General Tso.  That's right, General Tso, the famous Chinese general.  And what kind of system do they have in China?  COMMUNISM.  Coincidence? I think not.

Oh sure, nobody's quite sure why it happened, and even with the current food guidelines, the girl's lunch was well within compliance.  Why don't they tell the truth?  It's because of Michelle Obama and her FASCIST SHARIAH LAW program to get kids healthier!  Well, excuse me, Ms. President. (who's fatter than a dump truck...seriously.  Is anybody in the world as fat as her?  No.  And the fact that she's fat makes her wrong.  I mean, I once met a meth addict who was at death's door, and he told me that meth was bad for me.  I told him to shut his LIBERAL HIPPY MUSSOLINI mouth!  What the hell does he know?)  If I want to give my child a Twinkie, a Snickers, a bag of potato chips, and a shot of whiskey for lunch, then that's MY DAMNED BUSINESS.  Who the hell does the government think it is to tell me what's right and what's wrong?  Bad enough I get some bullcrap CPS on my case whenever I punch my toddler in the face, now I can't let him have pork rinds for dinner?  Screw you, you LENNINIST OPRAH!

Just think, right now, in EVERY school across America, kids are told what to eat and how much to eat it.  Even if that isn't happening, it's going to happen.  I know, because I saw a documentary on Hitler that was on the History Channel, so I'm kind of an expert on these matters.

Of course, this is just the latest in the government's ultimate SOCIALIST SITH plan for complete control over our lives.  The last first lady had some kind of program about reading?   Reading?  Really?  Who the hell does she think she is telling me that my kids should read?  Read, eh?  Read what?  MEIN COMMUNIST KAMPFIFESTO?  What if I want my son to do nothing but watch TV?  Oh, suddenly I'm a bad parent because I tell him to stop being such a PINKO TROTSKYITE NERD whenever I see him read a book!

And what's with all these traffic "lanes"?  Who the hell is the government to tell me where I can drive and where I can't?  I paid for my car myself!  It's my property!  Where I drive it is MY BUSINESS.

I'm SO ANGRY I could crap myself!  And who's the government telling me that if I want to take a crap that I have to use a "designated bathroom" when I'm out in public.  I should be able to poop wherever I want!  I pay my taxes!  I bought that sidewalk!  If I want to crap there, it's my business!

Lunches, light bulbs, "spare the air" days.  Isn't this exactly the way Stalin got started?  I mean, like...exactly?


Anonymous said...

I'm completely angry with you right now. You made me laugh so hard I started coughing and pee'd my pants. You owe me new pants :)

Lance Christian Johnson said...

What are you, some kinda commie NUT? It's no laughing matter!!!!