Saturday, March 1, 2008

A typical day of work...

So yesterday was a pretty typical day of work for me. I started off class by reminding the kids that we're not going to say the Pledge of Allegiance, mainly because America is the bad guy in the world today, and everything that we do is wrong. So, I took out a flag and burned it and told the kids to cheer. Anybody who didn't cheer and/or chant "Death to America!" didn't get any points.

I then went into a twenty minute dissection of the fallacies of Christianity. I told them that anybody who believes that a guy once walked on water is clearly suffering from delusions and needs to be locked up. One kid told me that his faith was an important part of his life, and it gave him structure and a sense of morality. I told him that he was stupid, and I ordered the rest of the class to point and laugh at him.

Then I burned another flag, along with a photo of Jesus. "This is a secular country!" I shouted. "Religion should have no part in our lives!"

We then had our daily "Muslim Moment" and all the girls had to put on head scarves and the boys had to wear fake beards. Two kids didn't want to participate, and I went off on them for about forty minutes talking about how intolerant they were, and how they were a bunch of racists. I then had the class face Mecca as we all said that there was No God but Allah and Mohammed is his prophet.

One kid pointed out the inconsistency of me praising Islam while insulting Christianity, saying that it didn't make sense if I supposedly believed in having a secular society. I told him that he was a racist and gave him an F.

We then took out the book that we're currently reading, Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto. I told them that Marx had it right, and one day we'd finally overthrow the running capitalist dogs who currently lord over our country. I then had them insert apostrophes on all the plural nouns, because that's where they belong.

To end off the class, I had them give their oral presentations based on the essay topic that they had to write about, "Why Bush is Bad and the Clintons are Saints." One kid said that even though he didn't like Bush, he didn't feel that the Clintons should be called saints. I called him a racist and a homophobe and told him to get out.

Right before the bell rang, I told them all to experiment with sex and drugs and to become vegetarians. After all, eating meat is bad for your health.

Yup, another typical day. It's nice to know that I can make a difference in the lives of young people.


Kirsti said...

Yup, sounds just like another typical day for you.

Gary Fouse said...

Are you sure you don't work for Boulder HS?

Lance Christian Johnson said...

Oh no, it's standard operating procedure for all public school teachers. It's all part of the cult that they indoctrinate us into, which is part FreeMason and part Nation of Islam.

Ow! My tongue just went through my cheek!

Gary Fouse said...

Cheer up! A prof job at UC Berkeley is on the horizon