Monday, March 24, 2008


On Easter, da Pope (I call him "da Pope" 'cause he and I are homies.) spoke of the "miracle" of a recent conversion of a Muslim to the Catholic faith.

Really? Miracle? Conversions are miracles? So, when I converted from being a Christian to an atheist, that was a miracle? Thank you, Jesus, for letting me not believe that you're watching my every move, including bowel movements, anymore.

Okay, so we're lowering our standards for miracles I guess. Nobody's parting the Red Sea or turning staffs into snakes, and turning my tap water into beer isn't exactly a one-step process. At least da Pope isn't praising a grilled cheese sandwhich for looking like the Virginia Mary. (Yeah, I know it's Virgin Mary, but she had a kid, and you kinda need to lose your virginity to make that happen. I'm insisting that the whole "virgin" thing is simply a millenia-old typo.)

Apparently, the guy in question is a Muslim named Magdi Allam. You know, Muslims are the people who believe that the prophets kept on going on until some fella named Mohammed came along, and now HE'S the last one (Suck it, David Koresh!) They also don't believe that it's possible for God to be his own son (not to mention some third entity called a "Holy Toast". That's right - there's been another typo). How silly of them. Don't they get that God became his own son in order to kill himself (If a bus comes at me and I don't move out of the way, that's suicide) so he could change his own rules about who goes into heaven and who doesn't? It's a little thing called "The Trinity", and it's in The Bible. Look it up. Actually, don't look it up. Just trust me. You could search for it and totally find it.

So, in your face, Mohammed! This guy obviously carefully weighed the facts between the two religions. He sifted through every minute detail, analyzing for logic, reason, and historical veracity. After a long, careful deliberation, the facts clearly landed on the side of Roman Catholicism, The One True Faith (TM). (Suck it, Shinto!)

Or maybe not. Turns out, he wasn't a practicing Muslim. He's also married to a Catholic. Oh yeah, he was raised by Catholics as well.

Hmmm...thought I saw the Virginia Mary on my pizza today. I was hungry though, so I ate it. Trust me, it was a miracle.

1 comment:

Kirsti said...

Thanks for the laughs! That was a good one. Love you!