Thursday, March 13, 2008

Gentlemen, admit your man-crush

For generations, women have felt free to discuss the beauty of other women. A woman can say, "She's pretty" or "She's so beautiful!" without anybody thinking that any funny business was going on.

Most men, however, if even asked if they thought another man was handsome would respond with, "Huh? What? How the hell am I supposed to know? Why would you ask this of me? What are you trying to say?" He would then proceed to grab the rear end of the nearest woman and make hooting calls at every woman who passed by him for the next week.

Well, times are changing. With relaxed attitudes towards homosexuality has come a new liberation for heterosexual men. We now realize that we don't need to discuss football, cars, and boobs 24/7 in order to be straight. Just because many of us do the cooking, it doesn't make us like women any less. We can even hug each other and say, "I love you, man!" without any fear.

And with this newfound security in our masculinity the concept of the man-crush has been developed. The urban dictionary defines it as, "A man who has a crush on another man without sexual attraction" and "A man having extreme admiration for another man, as though he wants to be him."

So there it is, fellas. Are you man enough to admit your man-crushes? Or are you too fearful of your inner homosexual desires, ala Larry Craig, to admit that you have them?

Here are my top five:

5. John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

4. Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain.

3. Sean Connery as James Bond.

2. Brad Pitt in Fight Club.

And my number one man-crush of ALL TIME, is the one, the only, the uber-manly...TOM JONES, bitch!

Okay fellas, let's hear yours. Nolan, I know you have a few.


Anonymous said...

What if I have a crush on another man WITH sexual attraction?
My top five:

5. Connie's son.
4. Denzel Washington
3. Andrew Nolan
2. Eddie Vedder
1. Justin Timberlake

Nolan said...

There's no way I'm hotter than Connie's son.

I'm going to do this. What's more gay is that I got a little excited about it, because I love making lists so much. Yeah...that's why.
Alright, I'll go with (sorry, no youtube clips; I don't know how to do that):

Even gayer is that while I was writing this, my list got bigger (no innuendo intended) and I feel it incumbent on me to include Honorable Mentions: Christian Bale, Batman Begins and Matthew McConaughey, A Time to Kill

5. Daniel Craig, Casino Royale

4. Marlon Brando, Julius Caesar

3. Paul Newman, Cool Hand Luke

2. Bruce Willis, Die Hard

1. Daniel Day-Lewis, Last of the Mohicans

I'm going to read Playboy and watch Sportscenter while drinking a beer now.

DiamondDave said...

5. The OBGYN who delivered me.
The way his powerful hands gripped my bulbous, placenta-slathered head made me cry out in ecstasy.
4. The representation of Jesus in the Bible that I received in my first year of Catholic school.
His expression bespoke an infinite capacity for sympathy, compassion, and manly affection.
3. The first dead body that I ever saw -- a homeless guy in the woods.
I poked at him with a stick.
2. Me, twenty minutes ago.
I am so ripped.
1. The sperm that swam up my mommy's tummy and burrowed into the egg that eventually became embryonic me.
That little guy had incomparable athletic prowess.

billeter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
billeter said...

5)Warren Oates (Wild Bunch, Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia)
4)Denzel Washington (Malcolm X)
3) Supreme Court Justice William O Douglas- free speech absolutist and he married my Mom's 25 year old college friend when he was 72
2) Kurt Russel ( always been a simmering one- recently kicked into high gear by DEATH PROOF!)
1) Farley Granger (so he's gay..I mean...we're talking man-crushes here.)