Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Opinion Cometh!

I think that it's time that I finally let the world know that Carson Palmer of the Cincinnati Bengals is the best NFL quarterback of all time. Everybody who doesn't think so obviously doesn't know a thing about football. How stupid do you have to be to not agree that Palmer is better than all the rest of them?

While I'm at it, I want the world to know that the Chevy Vega is the greatest automobile ever. If you drive something other than a Chevy Vega, you're an idiot. Not only that, but chances are pretty good that you love Hitler. Why would you love Hitler so much? I realize that some people have said that it's on several "Worst Car" lists, but that's all just propaganda.

What's the best kind of wine? Sauvignon blanc. What's the best brand of lawnmower? Bobcat. What's the best Dostoevsky book? The Raw Youth. The best brand of tools? American standard.

These are my opinions, and they're just as good as anybody else's opinions. Oh, sure, you might be saying, "Lance, you don't even watch football? What did you do, just google 'NFL quarterbacks' and then pick one at random?" Yeah, so, maybe I did. The point is, it's my OPINION. So what if I never watch it, or didn't even bother to read anything about any of the quarterbacks. That's the one I like, and that's all that matters.

Oh, sure, you're also going to make a big deal about the fact that all I know about cars is how to drive one, put gas in it, jump-start it, and change a tire. So, that makes my opinion not worthy of consideration? What are you, some kind of elitist? You're also no doubt going to point out that I rarely drink wine, don't know anything about tools and lawnmowers, and I've never even read a book by Dostoevsky. Well, that would just make you an elitist!

It's my opinion! If you want to see somebody who's like me and tells it like it is, watch the following video. No, don't pay attention to all of the idiots at the beginning. Listen to the really smart guy at the 5:50 mark.

Today's "Stan Lee Challenge" is a tribute to Daredevil #8 - "The Stiltman Cometh!"


Nolan said...

Carson Palmer's not terrible, but he's not anywhere near the best. You are a goddamn moron. He also went to USC, which is the devil. Smarten up.

Lance Christian Johnson said...